Strength through struggle???

I’ll never forget the look of shock, surprise, and confusion on Wendy’s face. After working together in therapy for nearly two years she had finally mustered up the courage to tell me some of the horrors she had endured as a child. 

When she first came to see me she was having multiple panic attacks nearly every day. These attacks would seemingly come out of nowhere and she would be paralyzed by their impact on her mind and body. She had gone to the ER several times thinking she was having a medical event only to be told that she is fine and it is just anxiety and she should seek out therapy. Some days she couldn’t eat. Most nights she couldn’t sleep. Sometimes she couldn’t work. Her anxiety was so great that she could never sit still. She appeared to be so fragile that she would completely break if something didn’t change quickly. 

I had, on different occasions, asked her about what had happened when she was a young girl. Most of the time she sat there silently unable to open her mouth and tell me. On this day, with her head hanging down she began to mumble, barely able to say the words. With some slight prompting, she recounted how she had survived multiple instances of physical abuse. She spoke about how verbal and emotional abuse were normal for her. And she acknowledged how her father had been sexually abusive towards her.

I looked at her as her leg moved more rapidly. She rubbed her hands more intensely and it was clear her distress was increasing immensely. I said, “My god! I am astounded at how strong you are!” 

She stopped rubbing her hands, her leg momentarily ceased moving, and she looked up at me with a look that said I might as well have been speaking a foreign language. No one had ever seen her in that way before and on that day a seed was planted. Wendy had begun therapy because, for her, all of the struggles and all that she had been through made her feel weak, unlovable, and unwanted. But that day, she began, ever so slightly, to change her understanding of herself. 

Today, Wendy rarely has moments of panic, and she is still working to overcome her anxiety and fear. But her life has become more stable and with each struggle she overcomes, she sees how strong she really is.

**Wendy is a fictitious name used in all stories to protect the identities of people.